Good evening, all! I hope everyone is well and has had a good week. Today, I am writing about a topic more close to my heart, something which has helped me a great deal over the last year. We all know how hectic and stressful this last year has been, with Covid and coping with everything in-between. Which is why today I am going to talk about my experience and how I received the best piece of advice and ways it has helped me.
I am quite nervous about discussing this, but I want to share my journey and if I can help at least one person out there, its worth it for me. So, I would say enjoy, but I am not sure if this is the kinda post for that? lol
Backstory
Where to begin? I have struggled with a few mental health issues silently in the past, but I felt like I always coped well. However, this last year really threw me off and I struggled a lot; something I think most of us can relate to. Mostly, this was because of my health and how vulnerable I am, I got extremely worried and some would say, over cautious when it came to germs. I am not going to into too much detail but I will share what I feel comfortable with :)
I experienced severe anxiety about everything. It was not even the fact I had to stay at home (as a family we shielded for all of the time, until a few months ago. It was a choice we made for ourselves because of mine and my sisters health) because I had been at home for two years before, due to my poor health and an operation I had, it was the idea of catching the virus and essentially dying or becoming extremely unwell. Having had a chronic illness all my life and being ill on and off, especially these last few years, I was terrified of being in hospital again after all of the previous trauma.
All of these feelings were not a fun time so after talking to my family, I decided to speak to my doctor for help. She referred me to a few places and after a few calls and waiting, I was contacted by a local counsellor. I was very apprehensive at first because I haven't been one to chat about how I feel etc, but after a few calls I felt at ease and we talked through my issues and mainly about how to deal with my excessive cleaning, obsessiveness and anxiety.
It felt so strange to finally let out some of my thoughts and she helped me so much. She gave me many tips and I am still talking to her now, just less often but after a year a half of pain, I finally felt like I made some progress and I could actually deal with most of anxiety around the virus and going out and about again. She for sure came at the right time because it coincided with me and the family leaving the house for the first time (we had not even been food shopping) and even she agreed that it was the perfect timing because any earlier it may not have been as successful. I am not going to be going into all the tips, but if anyone would like that, please let me know via my contact page or my Instagram :)
The advice
My counsellor made me feel so comfortable and she was also relaxed, something I feel is the perfect combination for me as I tend to talk more when I am trying to explain how I feel. I think it was either the fourth or fifth session, where we discussed more topics outside of the virus, still relating to it, but something I have always struggled with since school. It was that due to my health condition and how I usually was ill more regularly, I was not able to do as much as other people my age and even now, I tell myself I am lazy because I am not doing 'the expected' of someone my age. It was a constant battle and it was/is very exhausting because no matter how much I say it is not my fault, or I am just different to others, it always played on my mind! That was until my counsellor gave me a unique way of looking at it. That was to repeat a motto of sorts to yourself, depending on your feeling or what mindset you are trying to change, tell yourself this or write it down whenever them thoughts enter your head.
The mindfulness tip is called Positive Affirmations and when I first heard it, like most I guess, I wrote it down in my notes from the session but did not think much else of it. However, I went back to it when I re-read my notes and actually after practising it when experiencing those thoughts, it was/is quite simple but for me it worked. It managed to penetrate my thoughts after so many years, and it was like a small weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Do not get me wrong, I still struggle a lot in other ways with my anxiety and negative thoughts, but this was just one small way to remove certain ones and just to ease the constant pressure of life that I placed on myself.
It is always the classic situation, where you hear these tips circulating online, but until someone tells you try it just to see if it has any impact on how you feeling, you actually give it a go. We rarely decide by ourselves, and definitely for me, that was what happened and that is so strange to think about ! Leading on from that, I think I always try to do the most but I just have to realise, sometimes I cannot and I have to look after myself and my health before anything else. I like my comforts and I am for sure a home body, something I used to be embarrassed about but now I try to embrace it and accept that is just me!!
Positive Affirmations: I have used a couple of the mottos, but at the moment, the one I use whenever I pressure myself to try and do more than I can, or push myself too hard or let the thoughts simmer for too long , is:
I am not lazy, I am just getting better, and I must take care of myself .
After the year of 2018 and two operations, my health and ability to do things really went downhill and I hope soon in the future, I will feel better/well enough to do more and experience things I have not been able to do for a while! Positivity is the key, and I always 'try' where I can, to implement that daily into everything I do.
So, that was a ride but I am glad I shared it with you all. I am always around to chat with any of you if you feel like you need it, and just remember to talk to people and take care of yourself :) We are all in this together!
Stay safe and well, Lucy xoxoxo
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